Word of the Day: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a concept that comes up often in healing. Though we hear it often, it’s not always easy in practice.
We experience a range of wrongs. Some feel easy to forgive and some may at times feel unforgivable.
My hope is that by exploring the true meaning of forgiveness through etymology, we might shift our perspective and make the practice of forgiving more achievable.
forgiveness (noun) : the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven
forgive (verb) :
stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake
cancel (a debt)
Forgive comes from Old English forgiefan meaning “give, grant, allow” and also “give up.” In this sense for- is used to mean “completely” and giefan means “to give.” Together we see “to give completely.”
I was enlightened by the Old English meaning of forgive as “give up.” Culturally we are indoctrinated with the idea that we should “Never Give Up.” Perhaps this is why many of us have a hard time with forgiveness. We are taught to never cede, never back down. Giving up is seen as a sign of weakness and weakness is seen as bad. We’ll cover the true meaning of weakness in a later post, but neither of these ideas are absolutely true. There are times to persevere and there are times to surrender.
In forgiveness, what are we invited to give up? By the definition of forgive, we are asked to give up anger and resentment. Releasing anger and resentment has immense healing power.
There is a saying “forgive and forget.” I can’t help but notice the roots here: Give and Get. Imagine what wonderful experiences we might make space for by giving up anger and resentment. If you are having trouble giving up or giving in, you may ask yourself: What might I gain by giving up? Compassion, joy, peace, and wisdom come to mind.
Another note on forgiveness is that we see through etymology that to forgive is to give completely. It doesn’t say to give a little and keep a little. It doesn’t say forgive, but don’t forget. We’re encouraged to completely give up anger and resentment towards the person who has committed an offense, flaw, or mistake.
There is incredible freedom in forgiveness. A blank slate.
