Word of the Day: Romance
Romance is a popular theme in modern culture. There are countless movies, televisions shows, novels, greeting cards, and experiences meant to capitalize on our collective desire for romance.
Many hearts yearn for romance and this desire unmet can sometimes be the death of a relationship.
But what does romance really mean? Let’s explore the truth of the word romance through etymology. May the wisdom of the word romance help us to experience healthy and loving relationships.
romance (noun) :
the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love
the feeling of excitement and mystery from everyday life
Other definitions of romance refer to “medieval tales based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural.”
Romance as an adjective means “relating to the group of Indo-European languages descended from Latin, mainly French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Catalan, Occitan, and Romanian.”
The root of romance is Romanicus meaning “Roman.” Romance was originally used to mean “vernacular language” or “stories told in the vernacular.” Vernacular language here refers to Latin. In old French the word “romanz” was used to describe verses told in the vernacular, in a Roman style.
Many of these tales featured chivalry and adventurous love stories. Over time, the word romance began to be used as a genre title for love stories, based on the frequency of love themes in ancient Roman lore. Somewhere along the way we began to use the word romance for personal experiences of love, based on it’s usage as a genre title for love stories.
Storytelling is an ancient practice. Many cultures have rich histories in storytelling with lore passed down from generation to generation as a way of sharing knowledge. Storytelling, while based somewhat in reality, is often exaggerated and glamorized. This is why we have the word “romanticized.”
Love stories present an adventurous and idealized view of love and partnerships. Often what we witness in these stories from literature and film, affect our desires and expectations for everyday life. Stories don’t always depict the reality of everyday love.
It is helpful to remember that romance is rooted in storytelling. It is rooted in lore, mystery, chivalry, adventure, tales of ancient Roman soldiers wooing ancient Roman women. Romance is rooted in fantasy. Even the definition of the word romance uses the descriptor “mystery.”
This is not shared to discourage romance or fantasy. I am a dreamer at heart. I love the mystery and fantasy of romantic tales. This is shared as a reminder of the true origins and meaning of romance. This is shared as a reminder that real life and everyday experiences of love might look different than the stories.
To expect that our partnerships will always live up to the stories at the heart of the word romance is unrealistic. Knowing this can help us to create realistic expectations and goals.
While romance and mystery can be a fun aspect of the experience of love, there are other worthy values we can invite into partnerships to balance the fantasy. Trust, security, kindness, stability, friendship, and care come to mind.
Knowledge of the true meaning of romance helps our relationships flourish by reminding us that romance stems from storytelling. Part of our attraction to romance is that it adds a sense of adventure and mystery that breaks up the daily grind. There is value in this, so long as we don’t get swept away in the fantasy. Romance must be balanced by the needs of everyday reality in order for our relationships to thrive.
Perhaps revisiting some of the ancient Roman lore can be a healthy outlet for the romantic yearning of our hearts.
